I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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