I just made out with a guy for $7.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
