i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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