I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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