Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize