Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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