We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize