dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you inspire me to be a worse person
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
