His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
