Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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