What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
