do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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