god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
