I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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