Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
