I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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