Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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