I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
