dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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