You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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