Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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