you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
