So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
