Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
