Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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