well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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