those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
