I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
