I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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