My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
