I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
