If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize