Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
