i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
