so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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