a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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