My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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