The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
