in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
