So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
