the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
