i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
