i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
