it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
