I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
