You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
