And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She is in my trunk
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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