so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
