Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
