literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
