The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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