I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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