Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
