went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
