Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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