Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why do cheetos always look like penises
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You have to summon your inner elephant
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
