wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We need to rekindle our bromance
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
