Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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