FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
