I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
