God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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