Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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