why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
