I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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