My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You took a bar mat shot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
