Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You can't special order awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
