Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
