Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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