I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
