i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
