He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
