Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
