I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
