how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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