When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize